Today is the last day of 2015. I guess like most people it's a time of reflection over the past year and thoughts of hopes and dreams for the upcoming year. I immediately thought of the big events over the past couple months and as I ventured further back I realized that we actually had a lot of changes this year. Through it all I see growth ... amazing growth ... in so many areas of our lives.
Meghan graduated from high school. She went to college and learned to live with people she hadn't known prior to leaving home. She struggled to make adult decisions and face the consequences (good and bad) of those decisions. She took on so many responsibilities that she didn't have to before. She is still learning, still growing and I enjoy our time together when she is home. I had to learn to let go a little and, after offering my thoughts, sit back and watch her make her decisions. Pray ... and trust God.
Ethan had surgery. We knew that once he was completely healed the surgery would be life changing. In actuality, the change is in the process; the journey. We all lived through his last surgery and I most definitely was not looking forward to the healing part. Had I known all we would endure I would have freaked. We had heard ahead of time what complications could happen and we were aware that he was an extreme case and he would be more apt to encounter those. We prayed ... we called on our prayer warriors ... and ... he still got the complications. Although we are sorry he had to endure such pain and treatment, the journey was incredible. I never knew one could be so physically exhausted but the people we encountered on this journey and the way God provided and sent encouragement exactly when needed was amazing. Thankfully Ethan is home ... we are able to look back and see all that we had gone through ... and we survived. God equipped us and strengthened us for each task as it happened. He has an incredible testimony. There's still things he will be required to face and he is not liking that at all but I am amazed at his spirit and how he actually seemed to handle this better (in ways) than his prior surgery although this was so much more invasive. As a mother I had to watch him endure when I was helpless to make him more comfortable. I had to make him do things that he didn't like to do. Through it all, in the comfort of the hospital chapel I learned, even more, to pray ... and trust God.
Kate had to learn how to deal with all these changes in our family. Where did she fit in and how was she suppose to feel when Meghan was away and Mom was at the hospital with Ethan? Scared for her brother ... missing us. My baby girl showed so much maturity. During the visits she learned to serve her brother and help him get sips of Gatorade. They formed a bond as she helped him do the simplest tasks. She is currently excitedly anticipating a huge mission that God has been equipping her for since she was a young child. She is raising money to go to Guatemala on her first mission trip. She was overjoyed as she saw yet another step fall into place. I hadn't even known she was apprehensive, thinking she might not be able to go. That part fell into place which much relief on her end. At the thought of sending my baby to another country and not be with her has allowed me to learn, still more, to pray ... and trust God.
As I look over 2015 I see growth. I see the ability to let go of things that God needed me to ... to pray more intentionally ... to trust Him with every single part of my life and be confident that He knows me, He knows my needs and He will always provide. He loves me and cares about the smallest of concerns. I have joy and peace. There were a lot of changes in 2015 but that's not all bad. God has surrounded us with amazing people, He's provided in so many ways. Had we not been on this journey there are so many people we would have never met. We are blessed. So, not only has this been a year of change ... it's been a year of growth and I feel more at peace and content because of these things.
I am looking forward to this new year. Entering 2016 confident that God is the same yesterday, today and forever. He will continue to equip us for each new thing He asks of us and I am very much looking forward to the incredible plan He has for our lives!
Until next time ... however you remember 2015, be hopeful and confident of Christ's love for 2016!
I love my special moments with God. I talk to Him all throughout the day, every day and trust me, He knows exactly what I am thinking ... because, well, even though He knows my thoughts, I make sure I tell Him. Honest, open book ... that's how I typically am.
I've been feeling a little melancholy lately and as I reflect on some of my most favorite memories, I am met with tears and smiles and sometimes the thoughts are so overwhelming that I just need to escape. I want to run to my safe zone ... my quiet place where I can feel free to yell, to cry, to pour out my heart. Haha, as you probably guessed, the only downfall to trying to escape ... is that I bring myself with me ... with my thoughts ... and all those things I need to escape.
Today my plan to escape wasn't as overwhelming of a need as in the past but I knew that going to my favorite place would be refreshing and help to clear my head so there I went ... to my place of solitude ... the place that sparked this blog in the first place...my park.
As I began my journey I encountered three rather large men ... big burly guys and I knew that walking alone through the trails wasn't perhaps a bright idea and I quickly determined that I would easily be overpowered despite the self defense classes I have taken in the past. My mind quickly began to form a plan, on the off chance that they may try to attack...okay, I wasn't even sure I liked the idea of them speaking to me. I busied myself making a plan and without putting any of it into action I decided I would trust God and realized that despite the positives of forming a plan, Satan was using fear to make me lose focus of why I needed to be there in the first place...to refocus my thoughts and try to see what God wanted me to see.
I began to look around and enjoy the beauty of my surroundings ... my heart was filled with thanksgiving to see that someone had mowed my pathway ... I saw butterflies ... and throughout my walk I continually heard "Do not let your heart be troubled" ... I very quickly admitted that my heart was indeed troubled and "God, there's so much I don't understand ... " then I heard "Do not lean on your own understanding". Over and over these two verses penetrated my mind with every step. I reached my destination where I had cried so many tears ... and shared so many smiles ... and dreams. It was there, today, that I again called out to the Lord, shared my troubled heart with Him and heard Him speak the words I needed to hear as new clear realizations came to my mind.
I rejoice at my time spent with Him ... so grateful for a fresh new outlook ... and knowing that He can be trusted with every part of me ... including my heart. I wiped my tears and began back down my favorite pathway with a smile on my face. As I got closer to the opening where the men had been I began practicing my words (much like Miss Clara from War Room) should they encounter me. Haha, thankfully all but one were gone and I continued my way to my car.
Until next time ... don't try to figure it all out yourself ... be open and real with God. He knows it all anyway! :) ...He can be trusted and there's nothing you can say that will shock Him.
As our journey continues, I am simply amazed. God has continually, without fail, given me "just enough" for the next task and I have found that I have been able to do things that could only be done with the Lord strengthening me (just as He promised).
Another promise that holds true is this:
The week after my son was discharged from a lengthy hospital stay I had a huge "fight" on my hands trying to receive his much needed pain meds. It was a needless and senseless battle as he should never have been discharged without it. Anyway, many times we face things so that God can be glorified. I finally decided to try his pediatrician, hoping for just one refill on his prescription. Yes, I sometimes think too small when we have such a great God. We ended up receiving more than we could ask, think or imagine...and I immediately thought of the above verse.
Yesterday my dad went into the hospital in the early morning to receive his new heart valve. I prayed ... I asked many of my friends to pray ... Dad did very well and the doctor said he couldn't have asked for a better surgery. Ah, but wait! That morning, a "new and improved" heart valve arrived at the hospital and my dad was the first person at that hospital to ever receive one. Isn't that just like God ... to provide more than we could ask, think or imagine!?!
Over the past few months God has been working on me in ways that I hadn't expected. As I receive His gifts and spot little glimpses of how He is working, I know when all is said and done I will again stand in awe and I see He went above and beyond my wildest dreams as I receive something more than I have been asking, thinking and imagining. That, my friends, is pretty exciting!
Until next time ... you may be thinking small, but we serve a bigger God and He has so many great plans and amazing blessings He wants to pour on us!
Thinking about your past or looking at your current reality can sometimes make you feel sad and discouraged but if you learn to focus on all the good around you it will chase the yuckies away.
Instead of focusing on what you don't have, be thankful for what you do have. God gives good gifts every day.
When things happen that spark a bad memory from the past, don't dwell there...thank the Lord that you're no longer held captive and be grateful for lessons learned and the strength and wisdom you gained.
When you miss someone who was once in your life, don't focus on the fact that they're no longer there, but rather on the great memories that you experienced with them.
Satan would love nothing more than for you to live a life of depression and discouragement. He knows your weak areas for sure. Thankfully, God also knows your weak areas and when you are weak, He is strong. He's right there to hold you and wrap his arms around you and hold you up until you're able to stand again. God desires for you to live an abundant and victorious life!
There may be a storm swirling around you...look for sunshine...seek His face and hold onto His promises. Look for the good in every day (i know, some days it's easier to spot those things than others but trust me, they're there). God has carefully and personally prepared an incredible plan for your life. Simply trust!
Today is my mom's birthday. I miss her more than I ever knew possible...but today I choose to focus on her beautiful smile...and I'll share that same smile with others.
My son is laying in a hospital bed...ah, but he has been a perfect example of strength and perseverance in the midst of adversity and I choose to focus on all the good that's coming out of this experience.
I just received a bill that apparently his insurance didn't cover...lol, I will check into that, yet I still choose to be grateful for the excellent care he's receiving.
Sometimes my car does crazy things ... but I choose to be thankful each time we reach our destination (and besides, it really helps the prayer life as I pray we make it).
There are days I am tired and lonely and just long to come home and be engulfed in the strong loving arms of the man God sends to me ... but I choose to request His arms to hold me tight while I am waiting.
Are there days that I cry and feel sad, make mistakes and have to start all over again? ABSOLUTELY! Every day ... sometimes every moment it's a choice. These days, more often than not there is joy there without even having to think about it. Some days I have to consciously choose joy! I allow myself moments ... but I try not to stay there (it's too easy to get stuck).
How do I choose joy? It varies ... sometimes I crank up the praise music ... other times I just have to turn it off and have a heart to heart with God in the silence ... focusing on His promises that He gives us in His word. Full out joy doesn't come from the "opinions" of others, but when I hear of things that confirm what God is saying, that also helps to keep me on track.
I love this picture! What row are you in. I happen to love being like the ladies in the front row. Do you know people like that? Check out the third row. I know we all know people like that!
Until next time ... watch for those daily gifts from God ... and determine to choose joy! <3
It's been three years since I held your hand ... three years since I heard your voice with your loving words of wisdom ... three years since you turned around and entered into the arms of Jesus.
I miss you! There are days I go to "my park" so I can just sit there and talk to you and wonder what words you might say to me. During those times you (along with the lizards and squirrels and other critters at the park) have heard the deep thoughts and feelings inside of me.
Daddy came to visit us in May. There were lots of tears as the reality that you weren't physically with us was huge. I already checked on him today, knowing it would be a difficult day for him ... yet I realized, it really isn't any different for him than any other day ... he misses you EVERY single day!
Yet, when I think about you I see your smile ... I can almost feel your excitement at being in the presence of God and I see you cheerfully welcome your friends as the arrive, thrilled to show them all of what Heaven is like. There's no way I would wish you back from that! I know during those huge moments in our life you are there, celebrating with us ... and during those times that I struggle you are there cheering me on.
By the way, I am on my last pillow you made me ... I've used each one until they literally fall apart. This morning as I was thinking about you, I noticed several tiny holes beginning to appear. I know it won't be much longer until that pillow is gone, as well. Oh the tears those pillows have caught and I am thankful for the love you put into each stitch ... they were very well used.
On this, your anniversary day ... Happy Anniversary! Your husband, kids, grandchildren, siblings, friends, nieces, nephews ... even your cat miss you and love you so very much. It is a comfort to know that you are having a remarkable time with Jesus and one day we will be with you ... for all eternity, where we will never have to say "goodbye" again!
Grandma & Grandpa with some of their grandchildren
You rested all day so you could make the trip to the zoo
I love that I captured this picture of you holding hands with your Sweetheart!
You wouldn't like this picture at all but I love it! Your hair grew back and you couldn't do anything with it. You'd have us fix it and then you'd fuss with it. You look adorable!!!!
Meg and you with the peacock feather!
Until next time ... just hugging my pillow and reveling in the fact that I had you for a Mom!
My son has a great respect for women. He has, whether consciously or not, tried to be the opposite of his father. He is sweet and loving and kind. He is polite and is a gentleman ... opening the doors for women and just doing his best to make sure that he's doing the right thing.
There are times when he gets very frustrated and that is not so pretty. Many of these times occurs when he thinks someone is comparing him to his dad ... which hasn't happened but that's how he perceives it.
Tonight it happened. I certainly didn't mean for it to happen but he was a little stressed from the night's activities (see previous post) and I went to talk to him in his room. He picked up his phone and however he was holding it made me flinch. For a moment I thought he might whip it at me. He spotted that gesture and he lost it ... sobbing in his closet. He has never lifted a hand to me but in the past I had things thrown at me and I suppose it was just a flashback but it caused him pain.
I quickly reassured him that I wasn't fearful of him ... that he wasn't being compared to his dad and I wonder how long my kids will feel the effects of what they've gone through. Seriously God has redeemed us and most days are joyful and we are rejoicing in the healing that has taken place in our lives. Some moments, however, leave us reeling and we remember those things we have worked so hard to get over. Just another way Satan tries to trip us up. May we always be conscious of where those thoughts come from and speak back with truth.
Until next time ... combat lies from the enemy with the Truth of God...
I am not sure what just happened ... but I am glad I spotted it.
As I was waking up this morning I began to feel that we needed to become more intentional as a family. We needed to make an effort to spend more meals at the table than just on special occasions. Many times we eat together ... but typically in the living room so as I awakened I knew today was the day. I didn't want to blink and see that my kids were grown and gone and I missed the opportunity so I secretly set the plan in motion ... tonight would be the night.
Now, typically whenever I plan something special, it seems like something happens to make it go wrong so many times I think I should just plan it and pretend it's spontaneous, thinking it wouldn't jinx it.
Satan has been a little bothersome lately. He doesn't like it when things are going well ... or on the verge of something amazing happening so waits for just the right moment to strike. He's patient like that but this mama does not like it when he tampers with her family.
We got home from a very busy day. Two of my three kids collapsed and fell asleep. I invited them all the help me prepare dinner but I busied myself and was okay (tonight) to do it alone, as I was excited about the new devotional we were going to begin as a family. After I got the girls to set the table (and then one promptly went back to sleep on the sofa) dinner was about to be ready.
I called the kids to come to the table ... I called again ... repeatedly until the half asleep, grumpy and not hungry teenagers approached the table. Hmmmm, not exactly the way I envisioned it but hey, we were all at the table. One child completely ignored all table manners learned growing up as the child practically sprawled out on the table, hoping to satisfy my need for their presence yet very clearly not wanting to be there.
Suddenly ... KABOOM! I was there but have no idea what actually happened. My two children who are typically the closest got into it. One child egging the other on while the other kept leaving the table, despite my requests to return. There was some disrespect going on and I didn't like it at all.
I made sure all children were back to the table and decided we would have our family devotion time. The new plan I wanted to start together wasn't working so I opted for a new one until I could figure out how to access the one I really wanted. Well, God handpicked this one for us, for which I am thankful.
Before I could even begin I left several times to get my one teenager to come back to the table. I informed all the kids that Satan didn't want us to have this time together so we were going to stand united and smack him down together because he most definitely was not going to win my family.
I read the devotional and it was just perfect for me. There's been a few things I was struggling with and God sent me the message of complete trust in Him and take some godly risks. We prayed and the kids all separated into their own safe havens.
I know as the kids anticipate the changes about to happen in our families they may be on edge but I was thankful I could spot the tactics of the enemy and work together to make sure we stood firm and united. I have spoken to both of the offending parties about seeking each other out to discuss the words that were flung. I encouraged them to do it soon because you never know what might happen and they wouldn't want to live in regret.
I hope they are thinking and praying about it ... as I sit in a very silent house. A welcome moment from the chaos that had erupted. I still don't know what happened ... besides exhaustion, teenage attitudes and who knows what. This isn't their typical behavior (praise God).
Tomorrow will go better. I am excited to see how these things will draw us closer together. It did actually warm my heart to see the two who are usually "at it" getting along. One day they all will and my heart will treasure that.
Tonight was real ... but we stood ... wavering a bit ... but firm.
Until next time ... don't let the enemy win ...
Change happens ... we can embrace it ... or we can run ... but it will still happen. Change isn't a bad thing necessarily. Scary? It can be but some changes can be good ... even when we don't realize it at first.
What it really boils down to is this: God has an amazing plan for our lives. Sometimes we have to go through rough spots in order to prepare us and refine us into who we need to be as that plan is fulfilled. Besides, would we really want to remain the same when He has something really amazing for us?
I think for most of us, the reason change can be scary is because of the unknowing. We want to know the next step. We want to know how it'll all work out when we can't see how that could possibly happen. Oh my goodness, it's trust! Hmmm, it seems that word pops up a lot. Trust brings peace. That is what I am learning.
As if I didn't already feel like things were changing, I was reminded again yesterday that we have some pretty real changes happening in our family. I spent a long time on the phone yesterday as I was being informed of all the appointments and necessary pre-op procedures for my son's upcoming surgery. We have no way of fully knowing what he will have to endure at that time. We only KNOW that God will be there ... He will provide the people and all things necessary to see it through ... and my son will come out better and this procedure will be life changing.
At the same time that all of that is happening, we are also taking my oldest daughter to college. The dynamics of our family are about to change yet again. These changes not only affect us at home, but she will be facing a whole new set of changes in college. She doesn't fully know what to expect ... yet we KNOW that God will be there ... He will provide the people and all things necessary to see her through ... and yes, she will come out better by the experiences she will have and the blessing she will be to others.
There are some things that this Mama may not think she's ready for ... but time and again I have seen God working and I know without a doubt that HE provides the way when all else seems impossible.
Over the past few weeks there have been some other changes. Really good changes actually, yet throughout the wait ... throughout the things we need to endure to see His plan fulfilled I honestly had moments where I just wanted to quit and walk away, tired of the wait. Each time He gently reminded me that He gave me a promise and I just need to be patient a little longer. He is working and I am so thankful.
Changes will happen ... but they can be exciting. Just remember, even when they are scary or they aren't the best changes, look for ways His name can be glorified and trust that it's all part of His amazing plan!
Until next time ... don't be afraid of change ...
Happy Father's Day! God has blessed us with the gift of seeing so many great dads! I am so glad that God placed me in the home of a wonderful Daddy! He lead our home with integrity. I remember a few times when my siblings and I seemed to have different stories so he would line us all up until he got down to the truth.
Mama told me the story of when Dad got saved when I was a little baby. He would accompany my mom to church but whenever it got close to the altar call I would begin to cry (still not sure if he pinched me or not) and he would take me out of the sanctuary. Finally one time my mom said, "Let her cry" and he faced his conviction and accepted the Lord. He meant it, too. Every time the church doors were open we were there ... and he lived it at home. The church was my second home. I had wonderful Sunday school teachers and wonderful examples of Godly fathers leading their homes.
I grew up and God blessed me with three amazing kids. Five years ago I was suddenly a single mom and although not so gracefully, I embraced my role as mom and dad. For those who really know me, you know that my initial reaction is to "freak" but lately those times don't last as long before I accept reality and call on the Lord.
One of the first huge changes was driving. One of the best gifts I had ever given my husband was a GPS (just a few months before he left). I acquired that wonderful gift and it sure did help. Whenever we went anywhere together he just automatically drove. I was good with driving around our little town but I was suddenly thrown into taking the kids to all kinds of appointments beyond my comfort zone. I was very excited when I survived the trip to St Pete by myself ... haha, still not thrilled with Ft Myers ... but I do it! Each trip is a little empowering.
Church was never an issue because I always made sure we got up and went to church. There was never an argument but the weight of raising these children alone and making sure that they remained Christ centered was an overwhelming thought. How many times did I belt out the prayer, Lord LEAD ME!
I struggled with the family leadership/discipline at first. I kept thinking "wow, the kids have been through so much..." and I wasn't as strict at the beginning as I should've been. This is all following an incident where we had all gone to the store. One of my children was in the car with their dad and grandpa. I came out to the car with my hands full and that child locked the door. I am standing there and my husband said, "You're the mom, what are you going to do about it?" while he and grandpa was in the car laughing. How was I to lead them when that is what they knew? Thankfully the Lord in his redeeming love helped us to survive the last 5 years and we are amazed at how far we have come.
We have pulled together as a family. This point was once again proven when, at midnight, I hear the dreaded "Mom, there's a spider in the house." Okay, Michigan friends, when a child in Florida says spider, they are not talking about a daddy long leg. The words I heard last night were "it's as big as my face!" "don't let the cat out, the spider will eat it!" It's that kind of spider. You don't want to get to close because they jump. One time my daughter video taped me as we worked at getting the spider. I stood frozen with a broom in my hand as my son is shouting instructions that if I use the broom he will disappear and we won't find him. Ugh, four hours later we had one dead spider but my room was torn apart, golf clubs laying all over, shoes in disarray but we got him!
This is what I am talking about when I say SPIDER!
Last night we got him, too! It went much quicker this time. We only had to use a mop, a broom, hairspray, wasp spray, one shoe, a yearbook and a knife. I'll put the kitchen back together this afternoon. Through it all we screamed together, we prayed (okay, we shouted, Lord empower Katie), we screamed some more, we did the "we don't like spiders dance" but we did it all together.
Ethan stepped into his role of "man of the house" (well, except for maybe the spiders) and I am amazed at how God equipped him with knowledge of things I never taught him. He just knows things. I asked him the other day how he does it. He simply said, "I taught myself". Works for me.
One day God may bring a man into our family ... until then, God is empowering us to do things and giving us the strength to accomplish things we never knew we could do before...and we are so grateful!
Happy Father's day to all those godly men who accepted the gift and are leading their families ... who love, support and encourage. To all those who get the spiders and chase the snakes. This is your special day! To my kids, Happy Father's day to you, too! You've jumped right in and helped to make us the family we are today! I love you!!!!
My prayer ... Lead Me by Sanctus Real
Until next time ... whether single or married ... male or female ... pray for the Godly men that were placed in your life.
To protect ... or be still? That's a question that perhaps should be asked and have an answer in place before you actually need it. However, there are times when circumstances arise and you just have to go with what you feel is best at the time. I think if you are focused on the things of God and in tune to how He wants you to live I believe you will still react out of love, as He would.
We ran into a situation recently. My eighteen year old needed me (that in itself caused my heart to soar) and I had to quickly ask myself the question "Do I protect her?" "Do I let her handle the situation in her own way?" "Do I just be still?" Soon she will be leaving my home to go to college. I have been assured that she will be calling me to ask my opinions and seek my advice. I know the calls will likely dwindle as she spreads her wings and gains confidence but during this situation, she was still my little girl and she needed her mother.
Although she was raised knowing about Jesus and how to react, she knows how to handle herself and can be a little feisty. Not a bad thing ... she thinks I'm too nice. :) Anyway, after hearing how she was going to respond, I felt that the best course of action was to deal with the situation in a proper, firm but loving way ... TOGETHER. We mixed her feisty with my calm and together as a mother/daughter team we stood united.
As most things in this world, it didn't end in the most desirable outcome. We still don't know what repercussions will develop from this situation. What we do know, however, is that God will fight for us. He is there for us and we know that we have each other. She knows that her Mama loves her and will back her up, support her and protect her even if that means she has to dig deep for a little feisty. She knows I will be there to hug her even when she doesn't want to be touched but I know she really needs it. We know that we can respond in love, even when it's difficult. We have no control over the reactions of anyone else ... we can only control how we respond.
We didn't respond immediately either. We took time to breathe, to discuss, to talk about how Jesus would want us to handle it, to calm ourselves so we could think more clearly...then we responded and knew we needed to simply 'be still'. Haha, okay, I am not sure she feels that same way ~ yet...but the more she seeks God and can rest in Him, she will get there. She amazes me every day.
Because You Loved Me
A Mother's Love
Until next time ... take time to breathe, pray and think ... then respond with love
Despite all the bad in the world, there is also a lot of good. There are days that you may have to look a little harder to find your "happy" but God blesses us each day. It's up to us to accept it.
This past week a few friends and I have been doing an online Bible study, going through the book of Proverbs. Although I have read portions/verses from Proverbs in the past, I have never read the entire chapter or book before. I am absolutely stunned at the amount of knowledge and wisdom is contained in each chapter.
I have been reading from several versions to try to get the most understanding. I have also been talking to a friend outside of the study, who reads a chapter a day and reads through Proverbs every month, about some of the scripture and it's such a blessing to hear their insight.
My friend is writing her thoughts in her blog and I just absolutely love what she wrote about Proverbs 3:5-6 (Click here to read Linda's thoughts).
As I get a glimpse of the news and the tragedies that so many are facing I am glad that God is in control and I can look for the blessings He provides every day. I am so grateful for Christian friends ... who pray without hesitation ... who encourage ... who bring laughter and wisdom. I am thankful for the support of pastors and mentors who guide and love unconditionally. I am blessed to see my children growing and establishing deepening relationships with each other. I am happy about renewed and improved friendships ... for special projects to work on and a new life adventure. Most of all I am forever grateful that God is ever present. His wisdom and direction is there, if we just ask and seek Him ... and that offers a peace that I simply can't describe...a peace that passes all understanding.
Until next time ... do you need direction? Seek Him with your whole heart ... and ask!
It seems like when I post or give praise or I feel like "I've got it", Satan has been waiting patiently to attack and mess with me. I don't like that my initial reaction are tears. I'm happy, however, that I am a lot quicker at recognizing these attacks and where they come from.
A couple days ago I wrote about how sometimes I just can't understand why God wouldn't do "such and such" as it would be so easy for him to do and it would make my life so much easier. I went on to say that during those times of waiting and not understanding that God is actually equipping us and strengthening us.
Yesterday I received the long awaited phone call from the surgeons office. When we learned in January that my son would need major surgery I had it all planned out ... as soon as school let out we would have the surgery so my family would be here with me to help out and offer support. It was a perfect plan. A few months later I learned that his surgery would be delayed because his other doctor wasn't ready to release him for surgery. Not a big deal. I adjust my "perfect" plan and realized that maybe my family wouldn't be here during the surgery but maybe my dad would come back.
I then was told that his surgery would be August 25th! Two weeks after school starts back up ... two days after I take my oldest to college for the first time (who, by the way, refused to go to camp this year because she insisted on being here for the surgery and helping her brother throughout his journey of healing). Because of my new position at work I have to be at work and it all just seemed as if my perfect plan exploded! My initial reaction ... I sat at my desk and cried.
As I said, those moments quickly pass (much better than I used to be). I called the school to inform them that Ethan will be missing 4-6 weeks of school and then, once back, will be on restriction. They already have a plan in place. I just need to apply for the Hospital Homebound services, in which a tutor will come to our house a couple times a week. We hit our first snag when I informed them that we live in another county and we reassigned to their school. Just another opportunity to grow my faith and trust that He already has it worked out. I've had my house for sale for seven months. The plan was to move into the county where we work and attend school. Thus far, that hasn't been in God's plan either.
He's growing me ... He's stretching me but I can see that if my perfect plan were in place, yes I would praise God but how much more glorified will he be when we get the miracle of seeing His plan work out. I was told that they don't typically send teachers out of county to tutor ... but she believes she will be able to work it out. I desperately needed someone at work to help fill in and yesterday a miracle happened and I was blessed with a substitute teacher in place. God doesn't always let us have the easy road ... but wow, to witness miracles happen amidst the bumps is amazing.
What Faith Can Do I've seen miracles just happen ....
Until next time ... it may not be easy but it's so worth it ...
Plain and simple, we don't see the whole picture. There's no way we can fully the mind of God but He has assured us that He loves us, He will never leave us and He will give us answers and wisdom if we ask for it. So many times I have prayed, knowing how easy it would be if God would just do "this" or "that". At the time I only saw what was in front of me. Later things became clear and I am so grateful God didn't always give me what I asked. Other times I still don't fully understand why He didn't answer in the way that I thought best.
My best friend is so good at reminding me to just keep my eyes on Him and wait for His timing. A short time ago she sent me a devotional. Here's an excerpt from it: You are asking God to do something and know He can do it, but it doesn’t
happen the first time you ask. It may take days, months, or even years.
Don’t give up when you aren’t successful the first time. Keep praying.
Keep seeking God. He will answer your prayer in the way and time that is
best for you. Don’t lose heart and keep praying. What’s one thing you
have been asking God for but He has yet to answer? What can you do to
ensure you don’t give up in asking and seeking God through prayer for
this thing? Keep seeking God ... keep trusting that He knows best.
She also actually wrote a sermon: God Size Faith Although she was referring to building God's church I think it could easily apply to any area of our life where God is challenging us to have big faith. I encourage you to click on the link and read the entire thing but to highlight a few points ... God gives us a dream. If you don't already know what that dream is, ask Him. Pray and seek His face. He can put that desire within us but He doesn't just want it to sit there. He wants us to pursue it, to have faith that He can turn that dream into reality and accomplish it through us as we continue to trust in Him. Next we need to claim it. She said it best, "No matter how big the dream is He has for us; no matter how unobtainable
it seems, if God gives us the dream, we will be able to see it
fulfilled if we just have faith in Him!" The hardest part is waiting! I've shared before about stories in the Bible where they got tired of waiting so they went out on their own. That pathway lead to heartache and broken relationships. It is always best to waiting on Him ... even when it's hard.
I recently received a text from a friend who shared that he will fully trust God's plan even when he sometimes doesn't understand it. So simple ... yet, at times, so hard! It may be easier to remember that it is during the times of waiting that they are most influential in shaping our faith. Hold on to the knowledge that he wants to bless us ... he will be glorified ... he always hears our prayers.
What Faith Can Do
Steady My Heart
Before the Morning
Until next time ... don't be afraid to stretch your faith ... accept God's dream for your life ... claim it ... trust that he is busy equipping you now during this time of waiting so you will be ready when his amazing plan is revealed!
Tomorrow my Dad leave to go back to Michigan, where it's much cooler than in hot humid Florida :) It's been years since he's been here and his first time coming alone. He prefers to stay close to home so it's been an extra blessing to have him travel to me. He was able to attend awards ceremonies, Graduation and all the activities that go along with that. He was also finally able to see where I work and where I worship and I am so very grateful to have shared that part of my life with him in a way that seems more real.
Yesterday we finally had "alone" time. We went for a walk in the park that I love. We walked through the trails and talked and laughed. Afterwards he took me to breakfast...just the two of us. I dragged him along shopping, where he claims I am just like my mother (that made me happy but apparently it wasn't the highest compliment ... he loves us both so he suffers through shopping). After going to several stores, filling my cart then emptying it and leaving empty handed we went to Dairy Queen (I knew we had to fit that in before he leaves). It was so fun just spending time with him and seeing him in the light of this chapter of his life.
I would love for him to stay ... I say that every time we're together. He hadn't been walking much like he used to so when we walked together he actually doubled his distance. I told him I would walk with him (even if we had to do it over the phone). Soooo, maybe during the summer when it's cooler up north he could stay there and then come for the winter and we will walk then. Haha, it sounds like a delightful idea to me! Tomorrow will be sad as we hug at the airport and say our goodbyes.
On the flip side, tomorrow also brings joy as my sister and nephew come visit! There's just something about sister time and the big strong hugs from Tyler <3 I am also happy to share my life and let them see what I do and for the first time see Meghan dance. We are so looking forward to their visit!!!
This is Meghan's favorite saying. Family is so important to us and as we all grow and move on it's important to keep going back to the this truth. May life never get too busy to keep in touch.
At the Graduation ceremony, Meg's former principal gave a speech. My dad is still talking about it. "When you're away, call! Don't text ... don't email... CALL" He suggested I use that at my preschool graduation, lol, it was that impressive to him.
Family Tree
Until next time ... make family important ... and go call your Daddy! :)
Happy Graduation day!!!! Happy 18th Birthday!!!! I love you and am so very proud of you!
When you were just a little girl there were times that you would cry. It seems like it was so easy to make those tears go away ... a hug, feed you, tickle the tears away. Now that you're older there are bigger disappointments or things that can't just be tickled away but it warms my heart that you still don't mind the hugs ... or the tears when I just join in.
I know in life we are sometimes asked to go through chapters that we wished we weren't asked to go through. It's those times that we learn..those times that we become equipped .. those times that make it possible to experience things and meet people we would otherwise not have an opportunity to do. There's a lot we won't understand about the reason behind such things but we are confident that God has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11) and He will make good come out of it (Romans 8:28).
You are strong ... I know when I hear those words I think of all the tears I have cried and that I sometimes don't feel so strong ... but I have watched you transform before my very eyes. You are equipped to enter this new chapter of your life and chase that dream that God has placed on your heart. Tonight you will walk across that stage, in your cap and gown and together we will be starting a new chapter. Enjoy your day, Princess!
You know what it is like to trust the Lord. There were times when you had no idea what to do or how to handle a situation. I encouraged you to pray and to trust. Baby, I know how hard that is sometimes ... especially when you don't see the answers right away. It is so easy to trust when things are going great and we get the answers we want. There are times, however, when God says "no" or He asks us to wait ... keep trusting and praying during those times. He knows what we need better than we do and we need to remain confident in this. I won't be going to college with you (you told me I couldn't go be your roommate, lol) but I am always here for you ... there are so many people who love you and your "cloud of witnesses" are waving their pom poms (yeah, I'll explain all that).
The Words I Would Say
Until next time ... you blink and they grow up ... keep hugging ... keep loving ... always pray!
We are so glad that Daddy could be with us during this time of celebration ... yet, we also knew and anticipated that his visit would also magnify that fact that Mama isn't with us. Oh, I know she sees and has the hugest smile on her face.
As much as we are excited to know that Mama is having a blast in Heaven with a lot of loved ones and resting and singing with Jesus, we have shed some tears because we miss her too.
A couple years ago when my nephew was graduating we knew that she had met her goal. I encouraged her to set a new goal ... that her granddaughter would be graduating in just two short years ... but she just couldn't hold on that long. She loved to give gifts, though and had begun to collect things for gifts.
We had been planning for Meg's Graduation Party and thankfully I had a lot of help. My team of friends just jumped right in and took so much stress off of me and I am so very grateful. Late Friday night I was already exhausted but had to start making my sloppy joe meat for Meg's party. I started cooking and I knew that if my mom could've been she would be here and if they couldn't have made it I would have called her right then ... that is when the tears first began (yep, there may be tears in that meat). The next morning, Grandpa called Meg in to give her a graduation gift from her Grandma ... and I found them both in the living room, crying. Happy times ... but emotional, too.
Just before leaving the house I knew that I had to get Grandma and Grandpa's recipes into Meg's cookbook. Although I have lots more to add, I wanted theirs in there when I gave it to her at the party. Going through the pictures, yet again, caused the tears to spill. I think it is good for all of us to be together during this time.
I talk about God's mercy and grace a lot ... because it's ever present. So many people from various chapters of our life came to celebrate Meghan yesterday. It was a joy to catch up with those we call friends. At the end of a fun filled, yet exhausting day, one special friend who was there through the entire thing (leading up to the big day, setting up, decorating, cooking, shopping, serving, cleaning up) also brought a load to my house because it didn't all fit in the car. I gave her a big hug and told her that she filled in as a great "substitute" for my mom. No, my mom can't be replaced but it was a gift from God that He sent her to be in the role and help in such a way that it felt like Mom was here...in a more physical way than I know she was. I could receive that hug from her and it brought comfort ... lol, yes and more tears.
I am thankful that God cares about each little detail of our lives ... it doesn't matter how big or small. He gives us special gifts.
Until next time ... watch for the gifts He brings ... and also watch for opportunities to BE the gift. <3
Senior year = many decisions. Meg wants to become a therapist for abused victims. She has terrific goals and I am so proud of her. Several from the youth group at church went to tour the christian college that is affiliated with our church. She came home and talked for over an hour about her experience. She loved it and felt like that is where God wanted her.
As if the entire stress of becoming an adult wasn't enough she soon received a lot of "advise" from trusted friends and adults and she quickly became overwhelmed. Shortly after that we attended our mandatory financial meeting and that pretty much took her over the edge. I will admit, it seemed pretty overwhelming to me, as well. She decided right then and there that there was just no way she could attend THAT college and maybe none at all. I told her that if God lead her to go there then she needed to trust that He would also provide the resources and equip her to go. That maybe worked for a moment or two but then more people's voices sounded in her ears. I finally decided to apply to the community college, as well as the Christian University (which she had already been accepted to).
Now, I have never heard of anyone not getting into the community college but seriously, in an act of grace, I believe she never heard from any other college so she would not even be faced with having to make that decision. She suddenly received her first scholarship. Her entire outlook changed and she just knew she was going to be able to go. I told her she needed a lot more of those to come in and encouraged her to keep praying ... and keep trusting!
With each scholarship that came in, she got more excited. Last Thursday night my dad flew from Michigan and arrived at the school just in time to watch his first granddaughter receive 8 scholarships and 3 awards (with her various cords, medallions and stole, she will be pretty decorated at Graduation on Wednesday). I'm so proud of her.
I spoke to her mentor who informed me that she still has several scholarships "out there" and we are hoping those will also come in. I am so grateful that she was able to clearly see the results of trusting God and His goodness as He provided her to attend the University of her choice, where she will receive a great faith-based education. I know that God will continue to equip her to do the job He has asked of her.
Meg and her mentor, Geri (what a Godsend)
So blessed that Grandpa could come!
...and the award goes to ... MEGHAN MANN
God Will Make a Way
Until next time ... keep trusting ~ even when it's hard!
Haha, I never thought I would be saying that! The thought of joining a gym seemed daunting...exciting, yet scary. A couple years ago I joined a gym. The dance studio where my girls danced was across the street and I figured, instead of sitting in the car, eating I could spend my time at the gym. I walked in alone ... didn't have a clue and walked back out. I went home and read the fine print and realized I could cancel my membership within 3 days. I canceled before I even tried it out.
Fast forward to now! I had mentioned in an earlier post about joining the gym with friends. Things are always easier with the support and encouragement of friends. We certainly have been enjoying it and the people there are so friendly and willing to answer any question I might have.
Meg was interested in going to the gym but I knew she would be going to college soon. Kate expressed an interest in going but, of course, I wasn't sure how long that interest would remain and Ethan ... I figured I would have to push him occasionally to join me. I went in and talked to the people at the gym to see what we could work out. They offered to let the kids try it out and see if it is something they would like.
After church on Sunday, Ethan went with Cindy and I to the gym. Much to his surprise, it wasn't crowded, he felt comfortable and he really enjoyed it! Woo Hoo! At one of the events I had won a free session with the personal trainer. I had my initial visit with him on Saturday so was able to show Cindy some of the equipment a little better. Today, however was my session. Haha, I thought I would just go in and he'd set up a routine of machines for me to go on. As it worked out, the girls went with me.
We arrived a little earlier than my appointment time so we could work out on some machines beforehand. How do I even describe the feeling of watching my girls, side by side on the elliptical machines (lasting way longer than I ever did) ... just having sister time. I was thrilled! I imagine doing these things together would no doubt bring everyone closer together. As I was biking away, the trainer came to whisk me away.
I had no idea what I was in for. All of a sudden he had me doing all sorts of things...squats, planks, weights ... and KETTLEBELLS (oh horror). Haha, it was actually 'enjoyable'? My technique wasn't always the best but he did say I had good form ... and he was very encouraging ... gently pushing me to "hold on" "you're almost there" "push it, Paula" ... I survived and (although I am a little sore) it felt good!
We came away with some fun stories and I don't think I embarrassed the girls too badly :)
Until next time ... don't be afraid to try new things ... you may be surprised at the outcome. Sigh, reveling in the sight of my daughters bonding!
The other day I shared about Kacie. Last night my sister and I were texting back and forth as she learned that Kacie had passed away. We waited patiently for the post as we know so many were praying and encouraging this family.
Through reading the obituary I learned that Kacie had the same type of cancer my mom had ... just in a different location. We had learned that there is no cure for that particular form of cancer and with treatment, life could be extended but if removed, it will come back some place else or in the same location.
I never met Kacie but through the words of her parents, she ran a remarkable race ... tired, wanting to give up but because of others she kept up the fight. She touched so many lives throughout her journey. Kacie was just 14 when she was diagnosed ... the same age as my youngest child and she passed away at the age of 16 ... the age of my middle child. I think of my mom traveling that same pathway. I saw the grace and strength that my mom had as she reached out to others and thought more of them than herself ... always wanting them to feel comfortable with what was happening to her body, as she tried to put them at ease. She was much older than Kacie, though. You'd think she'd have years to have practiced that type of response.
However, it sounds to me that Kacie also captured that same type of strength and grace. Everyone reacts differently and we really have no idea for sure how we would respond until we are placed in that situation. The ONLY thing I can come up with is that Christ gives us that strength ... no matter what age we are. When He asks us to do something or travel a certain pathway He equips us with exactly what we need. Were my mom and Kacie afraid? I am sure they had their moments of fear ... anger ... frustration ... but the resounding memories of both these ladies is their quiet strength and grace through it all. I know that Kacie had a platform of over 3,500 just on facebook that she was able to reach and share Jesus with. This proves that no matter what we are facing ... God can use us! I am so thankful that we are not defined by our circumstances. He just needs people who are willing. He will equip and do the rest.
Even in death, their stories live on ....
Glorious Unfolding
Until next time ... what is God asking of you? ... just be willing and trust Him to do the rest ...
My children are growing up. It seems just a short time ago that I held them in my arms, unveiling their newborn beauty to anyone who would look. I blinked and suddenly I have one who will be graduating in less than two weeks and two more kids who will soon be driving and I feel like my life is changing quickly and I don't know how to slow it down.
Then the questions begin ... did I do enough for them? Did I instill all I was suppose to before they leave home? Is their foundation strong enough? Did I equip them with the knowledge that there will never be anything in their life that will they can't handle with God's help and guidance? They've heard it all before but have they really listened and have it ingrained that all they have to do is trust God and seek His ways? Do they know that there's nothing they can do to make me stop loving them?
This time of year is always crazy! At work I have our preschool Graduation and all the end of the year activities. My children have their awards and special accomplishments. This year we have (thankfully) several scholarship award ceremonies to attend and soon Meghan's Graduation.
It seems with each event I begin to feel a little more emotional. Maybe it's the knowledge that "it's" getting closer. Don't get me wrong, it's a good thing ... a very good thing ... and I am so proud of all of my kids and their accomplishments ...yet at the same time I know I will miss them when they're gone. Maybe they won't need me any more. For today, though, I will just enjoy each moment and create memories (or in Meg's case, videos) and hold them close to my heart.
Meg at the Zonta Scholarship Awards
Meg at the Take Stock In Children Scholarship Awards
Ethan, Meg & Kate
Ethan & Kate, waiting for the ceremony to begin
Ethan, goodness, how ROTC has made a remarkable change in him.
In the midst of all of these achievements, my youngest had made plans to attend a movie with a friend ... without me ... without another adult. I made sure every precaution was taken and she knew I was trusting her to make good choices and she actually did fantastic ... even getting done earlier than expected. I am so blessed and thankful for the young adults they are all becoming ... just each change drives home the fact that they are growing and their wings are spreading. It's all just another lesson in Trusting God with the gifts He blessed me with.
I am so excited that my dad is coming for the Graduation and accompanying celebrations. I know with him coming alone it will intensify the realization that my mom is no longer here. This is one of the times I know God will give her glimpse and her smile will radiate down from Heaven. She would be so proud of my kids.
As my dad is leaving to go back home, my sister and nephew will be arriving to finish off the last of the events with us. For the first time, they'll get to see Meghan dance. We are thrilled that we have family with us during this time! The quiet strength of my dad as I watch Meg's wings spread across the stage ... I am sure they felt the same thing when I moved many states away.
I am glad they're all coming!!!! But, yeah, this pretty much sums it up! <3
Wind Beneath My Wings
Wherever You Go
Until next time ... hold your children close and keep trusting God!
