What I can say, however, is that even in divorce, God had His hand in it, blessing me and protecting me. I have talked to many divorced friends and I realize how blessed I am by my circumstances and I continue to praise Him.
I have full rights and custody of my children. They do not have to go back and forth between two homes. They are blessed to have me all the time (lol, I have to remind them of that sometimes). I don't have to go to court or ask anyone for special permission if I want to send them to church camp or on a mission trip. I am free to make the best decisions for them without having to fight anyone who may have a differing opinion.
Due to our situation there is no child support. I do not have to fight for it. No going back to court and no feeling frustrated when it's late or it doesn't come. I don't have to see him spending money on toys and trips and then saying there's no money for child support. Sometimes it's kind of a struggle having to depend on my only source of income but God always provides (sometimes in some pretty creative and amazing ways). That also allows me to feel extra loved and special to Him.
I know and appreciate the blessing it is to not have to deal with the stresses that come with a typical divorce. There are a few struggles that I have encountered, like having that one person to bounce ideas off of ... to dream and make plans with. I have learned that even in that, God has provided people who love me and don't seem to mind hearing my thoughts and letting me just talk ... sometimes in talking, it helps me to figure things out.
Most of the time, however, I am just fine...living my life full of joy and sunshine. I have learned to try to just let things roll off of me and not let the stress get to me. The kids argue and fight...my son has asked me how I can just be so calm and not let it bother me. I have tried to teach him that it's so much more joyful to choose your battles and not let every single little thing bother you.
There was one recent event that seemed to pronounce my singleness, however. Those are the moments that make me sad. Those moments where you just can't be in two places at once and you can't just send the other parent. My son had a major event last week at the high school. I was able to go for the first time last year and I never realized what a big deal it was. Due to circumstances at work I could not attend. It made me feel really sad that there was no one to represent him or to say, "Hey, I'm here for you." He has such a sweet spirit and he understood and, honestly, he was likely more okay with it than I was.
This Friday there is a similar situation. My oldest daughter is receiving a scholarship and they have a luncheon for her. Again I am unable to go. This time God provided someone to go in my place. I am immensely grateful that she won't be alone and someone can physically be there to rejoice with her in her achievements and as she's being honored. I need to work on my feelings of "but I'm your mom! I should be the one to be with you!"
Sometimes life is unfair ... divorce ... abuse ... cancer. We may not have any control over those things but we do have a choice. We can either choose to be depressed and look at all the negative things in our life and be held a prisoner to those things. Or, we can choose to do whatever we can to find the "happy" in each day. We have no control over how someone reacts. You only have control over YOU. I made a private "Happy Board" on pinterest. I haven't been the best at keeping up with it lately but I had made it a point to post something I was happy about each day. It achieved two things ... it made me look for something each day. Most days were easy but there were a few where I had to really look for something to post. It also was a place, on the not so good days, where I could go back to and see the little gifts God gave me. Kind of nice to have it documented in one place.
Yesterday was one of those days that was like one huge gift! From the beginning ... until the end of a very long, busy day until I fell, exhausted but happy into bed, it was a day full of blessings.
As I opened the door to leave the house, I discovered that my deer was back, eating outside my bedroom window. Deer are really special to me so that was pretty cool first thing in the morning.
Then I got to work and it is Teacher Appreciation Week! We have wonderful parents at our school. They set up an entire week of surprises for us. Yesterday we all got a big sign to put by our door.
After work we had to head over to Meghan's Scholarship Awards Night. What a blessing for her to receive a scholarship.
Becky was there alone so it was a joy to be that person that was also there for her. Love my girls and am so proud of their accomplishments and I know that God will do amazing things in both of their lives.
Following the awards, as tired as I was, we were also hungry so we had fun going to dinner ... just the two of us. We had a silly time! Meg now has a few videos to take to college with her so when she misses our silly times she can go back and visit those memories. Her friend called me a 'groovy lady' (haha, Meg said that was a compliment). I had several friends rejoice with us and share in her accomplishments and then I ended the evening with a few texts from friends who just made me smile and I watched the cat enjoy some crazy antics as I collapsed into bed.
I certainly do NOT have it all together. Half the time I feel like I am failing but I try to choose joy and those moments I can't seem to muster joy I try to praise. I sometimes allow myself to have a few moments of a pity party but really it's not a fun place to be. Why be burdened down in a storm when you can dance in the rain!
Lead Me (This was my prayer song .. that God would help me to lead my children)
Shoulders (My comfort song)
Until next time ... find the "happy" in your day
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