Tomorrow my Dad leave to go back to Michigan, where it's much cooler than in hot humid Florida :) It's been years since he's been here and his first time coming alone. He prefers to stay close to home so it's been an extra blessing to have him travel to me. He was able to attend awards ceremonies, Graduation and all the activities that go along with that. He was also finally able to see where I work and where I worship and I am so very grateful to have shared that part of my life with him in a way that seems more real.
Yesterday we finally had "alone" time. We went for a walk in the park that I love. We walked through the trails and talked and laughed. Afterwards he took me to breakfast...just the two of us. I dragged him along shopping, where he claims I am just like my mother (that made me happy but apparently it wasn't the highest compliment ... he loves us both so he suffers through shopping). After going to several stores, filling my cart then emptying it and leaving empty handed we went to Dairy Queen (I knew we had to fit that in before he leaves). It was so fun just spending time with him and seeing him in the light of this chapter of his life.
I would love for him to stay ... I say that every time we're together. He hadn't been walking much like he used to so when we walked together he actually doubled his distance. I told him I would walk with him (even if we had to do it over the phone). Soooo, maybe during the summer when it's cooler up north he could stay there and then come for the winter and we will walk then. Haha, it sounds like a delightful idea to me! Tomorrow will be sad as we hug at the airport and say our goodbyes.
On the flip side, tomorrow also brings joy as my sister and nephew come visit! There's just something about sister time and the big strong hugs from Tyler <3 I am also happy to share my life and let them see what I do and for the first time see Meghan dance. We are so looking forward to their visit!!!
This is Meghan's favorite saying. Family is so important to us and as we all grow and move on it's important to keep going back to the this truth. May life never get too busy to keep in touch.
At the Graduation ceremony, Meg's former principal gave a speech. My dad is still talking about it. "When you're away, call! Don't text ... don't email... CALL" He suggested I use that at my preschool graduation, lol, it was that impressive to him.
Family Tree
Until next time ... make family important ... and go call your Daddy! :)
Happy Graduation day!!!! Happy 18th Birthday!!!! I love you and am so very proud of you!
When you were just a little girl there were times that you would cry. It seems like it was so easy to make those tears go away ... a hug, feed you, tickle the tears away. Now that you're older there are bigger disappointments or things that can't just be tickled away but it warms my heart that you still don't mind the hugs ... or the tears when I just join in.
I know in life we are sometimes asked to go through chapters that we wished we weren't asked to go through. It's those times that we learn..those times that we become equipped .. those times that make it possible to experience things and meet people we would otherwise not have an opportunity to do. There's a lot we won't understand about the reason behind such things but we are confident that God has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11) and He will make good come out of it (Romans 8:28).
You are strong ... I know when I hear those words I think of all the tears I have cried and that I sometimes don't feel so strong ... but I have watched you transform before my very eyes. You are equipped to enter this new chapter of your life and chase that dream that God has placed on your heart. Tonight you will walk across that stage, in your cap and gown and together we will be starting a new chapter. Enjoy your day, Princess!
You know what it is like to trust the Lord. There were times when you had no idea what to do or how to handle a situation. I encouraged you to pray and to trust. Baby, I know how hard that is sometimes ... especially when you don't see the answers right away. It is so easy to trust when things are going great and we get the answers we want. There are times, however, when God says "no" or He asks us to wait ... keep trusting and praying during those times. He knows what we need better than we do and we need to remain confident in this. I won't be going to college with you (you told me I couldn't go be your roommate, lol) but I am always here for you ... there are so many people who love you and your "cloud of witnesses" are waving their pom poms (yeah, I'll explain all that).
The Words I Would Say
Until next time ... you blink and they grow up ... keep hugging ... keep loving ... always pray!
We are so glad that Daddy could be with us during this time of celebration ... yet, we also knew and anticipated that his visit would also magnify that fact that Mama isn't with us. Oh, I know she sees and has the hugest smile on her face.
As much as we are excited to know that Mama is having a blast in Heaven with a lot of loved ones and resting and singing with Jesus, we have shed some tears because we miss her too.
A couple years ago when my nephew was graduating we knew that she had met her goal. I encouraged her to set a new goal ... that her granddaughter would be graduating in just two short years ... but she just couldn't hold on that long. She loved to give gifts, though and had begun to collect things for gifts.
We had been planning for Meg's Graduation Party and thankfully I had a lot of help. My team of friends just jumped right in and took so much stress off of me and I am so very grateful. Late Friday night I was already exhausted but had to start making my sloppy joe meat for Meg's party. I started cooking and I knew that if my mom could've been she would be here and if they couldn't have made it I would have called her right then ... that is when the tears first began (yep, there may be tears in that meat). The next morning, Grandpa called Meg in to give her a graduation gift from her Grandma ... and I found them both in the living room, crying. Happy times ... but emotional, too.
Just before leaving the house I knew that I had to get Grandma and Grandpa's recipes into Meg's cookbook. Although I have lots more to add, I wanted theirs in there when I gave it to her at the party. Going through the pictures, yet again, caused the tears to spill. I think it is good for all of us to be together during this time.
I talk about God's mercy and grace a lot ... because it's ever present. So many people from various chapters of our life came to celebrate Meghan yesterday. It was a joy to catch up with those we call friends. At the end of a fun filled, yet exhausting day, one special friend who was there through the entire thing (leading up to the big day, setting up, decorating, cooking, shopping, serving, cleaning up) also brought a load to my house because it didn't all fit in the car. I gave her a big hug and told her that she filled in as a great "substitute" for my mom. No, my mom can't be replaced but it was a gift from God that He sent her to be in the role and help in such a way that it felt like Mom was here...in a more physical way than I know she was. I could receive that hug from her and it brought comfort ... lol, yes and more tears.
I am thankful that God cares about each little detail of our lives ... it doesn't matter how big or small. He gives us special gifts.
Until next time ... watch for the gifts He brings ... and also watch for opportunities to BE the gift. <3
Senior year = many decisions. Meg wants to become a therapist for abused victims. She has terrific goals and I am so proud of her. Several from the youth group at church went to tour the christian college that is affiliated with our church. She came home and talked for over an hour about her experience. She loved it and felt like that is where God wanted her.
As if the entire stress of becoming an adult wasn't enough she soon received a lot of "advise" from trusted friends and adults and she quickly became overwhelmed. Shortly after that we attended our mandatory financial meeting and that pretty much took her over the edge. I will admit, it seemed pretty overwhelming to me, as well. She decided right then and there that there was just no way she could attend THAT college and maybe none at all. I told her that if God lead her to go there then she needed to trust that He would also provide the resources and equip her to go. That maybe worked for a moment or two but then more people's voices sounded in her ears. I finally decided to apply to the community college, as well as the Christian University (which she had already been accepted to).
Now, I have never heard of anyone not getting into the community college but seriously, in an act of grace, I believe she never heard from any other college so she would not even be faced with having to make that decision. She suddenly received her first scholarship. Her entire outlook changed and she just knew she was going to be able to go. I told her she needed a lot more of those to come in and encouraged her to keep praying ... and keep trusting!
With each scholarship that came in, she got more excited. Last Thursday night my dad flew from Michigan and arrived at the school just in time to watch his first granddaughter receive 8 scholarships and 3 awards (with her various cords, medallions and stole, she will be pretty decorated at Graduation on Wednesday). I'm so proud of her.
I spoke to her mentor who informed me that she still has several scholarships "out there" and we are hoping those will also come in. I am so grateful that she was able to clearly see the results of trusting God and His goodness as He provided her to attend the University of her choice, where she will receive a great faith-based education. I know that God will continue to equip her to do the job He has asked of her.
Meg and her mentor, Geri (what a Godsend)
So blessed that Grandpa could come!
...and the award goes to ... MEGHAN MANN
God Will Make a Way
Until next time ... keep trusting ~ even when it's hard!
Haha, I never thought I would be saying that! The thought of joining a gym seemed daunting...exciting, yet scary. A couple years ago I joined a gym. The dance studio where my girls danced was across the street and I figured, instead of sitting in the car, eating I could spend my time at the gym. I walked in alone ... didn't have a clue and walked back out. I went home and read the fine print and realized I could cancel my membership within 3 days. I canceled before I even tried it out.
Fast forward to now! I had mentioned in an earlier post about joining the gym with friends. Things are always easier with the support and encouragement of friends. We certainly have been enjoying it and the people there are so friendly and willing to answer any question I might have.
Meg was interested in going to the gym but I knew she would be going to college soon. Kate expressed an interest in going but, of course, I wasn't sure how long that interest would remain and Ethan ... I figured I would have to push him occasionally to join me. I went in and talked to the people at the gym to see what we could work out. They offered to let the kids try it out and see if it is something they would like.
After church on Sunday, Ethan went with Cindy and I to the gym. Much to his surprise, it wasn't crowded, he felt comfortable and he really enjoyed it! Woo Hoo! At one of the events I had won a free session with the personal trainer. I had my initial visit with him on Saturday so was able to show Cindy some of the equipment a little better. Today, however was my session. Haha, I thought I would just go in and he'd set up a routine of machines for me to go on. As it worked out, the girls went with me.
We arrived a little earlier than my appointment time so we could work out on some machines beforehand. How do I even describe the feeling of watching my girls, side by side on the elliptical machines (lasting way longer than I ever did) ... just having sister time. I was thrilled! I imagine doing these things together would no doubt bring everyone closer together. As I was biking away, the trainer came to whisk me away.
I had no idea what I was in for. All of a sudden he had me doing all sorts of things...squats, planks, weights ... and KETTLEBELLS (oh horror). Haha, it was actually 'enjoyable'? My technique wasn't always the best but he did say I had good form ... and he was very encouraging ... gently pushing me to "hold on" "you're almost there" "push it, Paula" ... I survived and (although I am a little sore) it felt good!
We came away with some fun stories and I don't think I embarrassed the girls too badly :)
Until next time ... don't be afraid to try new things ... you may be surprised at the outcome. Sigh, reveling in the sight of my daughters bonding!
The other day I shared about Kacie. Last night my sister and I were texting back and forth as she learned that Kacie had passed away. We waited patiently for the post as we know so many were praying and encouraging this family.
Through reading the obituary I learned that Kacie had the same type of cancer my mom had ... just in a different location. We had learned that there is no cure for that particular form of cancer and with treatment, life could be extended but if removed, it will come back some place else or in the same location.
I never met Kacie but through the words of her parents, she ran a remarkable race ... tired, wanting to give up but because of others she kept up the fight. She touched so many lives throughout her journey. Kacie was just 14 when she was diagnosed ... the same age as my youngest child and she passed away at the age of 16 ... the age of my middle child. I think of my mom traveling that same pathway. I saw the grace and strength that my mom had as she reached out to others and thought more of them than herself ... always wanting them to feel comfortable with what was happening to her body, as she tried to put them at ease. She was much older than Kacie, though. You'd think she'd have years to have practiced that type of response.
However, it sounds to me that Kacie also captured that same type of strength and grace. Everyone reacts differently and we really have no idea for sure how we would respond until we are placed in that situation. The ONLY thing I can come up with is that Christ gives us that strength ... no matter what age we are. When He asks us to do something or travel a certain pathway He equips us with exactly what we need. Were my mom and Kacie afraid? I am sure they had their moments of fear ... anger ... frustration ... but the resounding memories of both these ladies is their quiet strength and grace through it all. I know that Kacie had a platform of over 3,500 just on facebook that she was able to reach and share Jesus with. This proves that no matter what we are facing ... God can use us! I am so thankful that we are not defined by our circumstances. He just needs people who are willing. He will equip and do the rest.
Even in death, their stories live on ....
Glorious Unfolding
Until next time ... what is God asking of you? ... just be willing and trust Him to do the rest ...
My children are growing up. It seems just a short time ago that I held them in my arms, unveiling their newborn beauty to anyone who would look. I blinked and suddenly I have one who will be graduating in less than two weeks and two more kids who will soon be driving and I feel like my life is changing quickly and I don't know how to slow it down.
Then the questions begin ... did I do enough for them? Did I instill all I was suppose to before they leave home? Is their foundation strong enough? Did I equip them with the knowledge that there will never be anything in their life that will they can't handle with God's help and guidance? They've heard it all before but have they really listened and have it ingrained that all they have to do is trust God and seek His ways? Do they know that there's nothing they can do to make me stop loving them?
This time of year is always crazy! At work I have our preschool Graduation and all the end of the year activities. My children have their awards and special accomplishments. This year we have (thankfully) several scholarship award ceremonies to attend and soon Meghan's Graduation.
It seems with each event I begin to feel a little more emotional. Maybe it's the knowledge that "it's" getting closer. Don't get me wrong, it's a good thing ... a very good thing ... and I am so proud of all of my kids and their accomplishments ...yet at the same time I know I will miss them when they're gone. Maybe they won't need me any more. For today, though, I will just enjoy each moment and create memories (or in Meg's case, videos) and hold them close to my heart.
Meg at the Zonta Scholarship Awards
Meg at the Take Stock In Children Scholarship Awards
Ethan, Meg & Kate
Ethan & Kate, waiting for the ceremony to begin
Ethan, goodness, how ROTC has made a remarkable change in him.
In the midst of all of these achievements, my youngest had made plans to attend a movie with a friend ... without me ... without another adult. I made sure every precaution was taken and she knew I was trusting her to make good choices and she actually did fantastic ... even getting done earlier than expected. I am so blessed and thankful for the young adults they are all becoming ... just each change drives home the fact that they are growing and their wings are spreading. It's all just another lesson in Trusting God with the gifts He blessed me with.
I am so excited that my dad is coming for the Graduation and accompanying celebrations. I know with him coming alone it will intensify the realization that my mom is no longer here. This is one of the times I know God will give her glimpse and her smile will radiate down from Heaven. She would be so proud of my kids.
As my dad is leaving to go back home, my sister and nephew will be arriving to finish off the last of the events with us. For the first time, they'll get to see Meghan dance. We are thrilled that we have family with us during this time! The quiet strength of my dad as I watch Meg's wings spread across the stage ... I am sure they felt the same thing when I moved many states away.
I am glad they're all coming!!!! But, yeah, this pretty much sums it up! <3
Wind Beneath My Wings
Wherever You Go
Until next time ... hold your children close and keep trusting God!
When I stop and think about it, I feel overwhelmed, awestruck, comforted ... and think it's pretty cool... Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I made you in your mother's womb, I chose you." Before I took my very first breath, God had a plan for me. He intricately designed every single detail ... of me! He wanted me, planned for me, carefully formed me and loved me. He didn't just allow me to 'happen' and then try to figure out what to do with me.
I don't have to 'earn' his love. My worth comes from the fact that I am loved by God and I am his child ... He chose me! Psalm 139:14-16 "I praise You because You made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What You have done is wonderful. I know this very well. You saw my bones being formed as I took shape in my mother's womb. When I was being put together there, You saw my body as it was formed. All the days planned for me were written in Your book before I was one day old."
How can I not believe He has an incredible plan for my life? He knows me so intimately ... even better than I know myself. He lovingly took the time to design every intricate detail so I know that He can be trusted to know what is best for me. His plan for my life is carefully thought out. May I never settle for anything less than the best He has planned for me.
He Knows My Name
I Have a Maker
Until next time ....Remember, He chose YOU! See yourself through His eyes ...
I have been challenged to establish a family verse. I remember a couple years ago when I gathered the kids around and we chose a verse that we wanted for our family for that year. I think it is a good thing to do ... but how do we choose "the perfect" verse?
Since the kids knew nothing about 'the challenge', I decided to choose my favorite verses that I thought might be good. Ah, so many great verses and promises to hold on to. I narrowed it down to seven (although as I gave them the list, I did think of another perfect one for our family). So they wouldn't feel pressured I printed a list for each of them and asked them to number them in order of what they thought would be a good verse for our family. Haha, that proved to be inconclusive. I thought at least I would get one verse that was near the top from all three and we would choose that one.
Many of the verses speak of our character and how we ought to treat each other. Not knowing how to choose I, of course, think we should make a valiant effort to apply each one to our family unit and live the way we are suppose to. Maybe what we could do is a choose a verse a month. The idea is to choose the verse ... memorize it ... apply it ... and live it out. How can a family not grow closer when its foundation is the Word of God.
For now, I think we will start at the top of the list (it did get a few higher scores):
Jeremiah 29:11-13 "'I say this because I know the plans that I have for you.' This message is from the Lord. 'I have good plans for you. I don't plan to hurt you. I plan to give you hope and a good future. Then you will call my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will search for me, and when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me.'"
So many people need hope. "Today, in the midst of difficult situations, God wants us to know He has
a plan. He also wants us to know that as we submit to His plan that He
desires to use us to bless the world around us. The key still remains
during both good and difficult times: You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." (Daily Devotion)
I don't know what God's plan for my family is ... where the pathway will lead. We've had a lot of twists and turns, we've stumbled over some ruts and crossed over several little 'hiccups' along the way but I DO know He has a plan ... and it's a good one. Most people talk about Jeremiah 29:11 and hold onto the promise of a great plan. I am so glad, though, that I read further ... when I go to him he will listen ... when i search for him with my whole heart I will find him! He wants to be found ... he desires to listen to me as I pour out my heart. He never tires of hearing from us.
Write Your Story ...
Until next time ... have you chosen a family verse? I'd love to hear it!
... it stinks! There are a lot of things in life that just aren't fair and, to me, cancer just doesn't make any sense.
Every morning at work our team gets together in a prayer circle. Yesterday I was sharing about a sixteen year old girl, Kacie, who has cancer. She is nearing the end of her 2 year battle. I first learned about Kacie's journey when my sister shared with me that she was her friend, Stan's daughter. Well, I quickly looked up her story and began to follow it. We hear so many stories but this one became a little more personal because my sister knows the family.
I was struggling to try to wrap my head around what her parents are feeling right now. Cancer is consuming and when the caregiver gives everything to try and help their loved one, if the cancer takes their life not only have they lost their son/daughter/parent/spouse/etc ... there's also a void of "what now? I've poured my life into helping them through their treatment for so long what do I do now?" I've seen this mom, through her blog, share about the struggles of being with the child who is sick, yet trying to find normalcy for her other children.
I liked one thing Kacie's mom said at the end of her message, when telling us that the doctors believe she has less than a week, " We continue to praise God for what He has taught and continues to teach
us through this series of trials...as a dear friend recently told me,
anything less than glory to Him would be a disservice to all that Kacie
went through in His name."
As I shared with my team yesterday, it seems everyone knew someone that had endured the cancer journey. I just don't understand why a 4 year old would get cancer ... babies ... I know that there are consequences to our actions. You smoke all your life you may expect to get lung cancer ... what about the godly man who I so respected all my life in church ... never smoked a day in his life, he was a runner, perfect health ... all of a sudden he developed lung cancer and died rather quickly.
One of our students was battling cancer ... missed school on his chemo days ... his mother looking as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. I sometimes wonder about the little babies who have barely had a chance to leave their little footprints on this crazy world ... and they pass away.
I just sometimes wonder ... then I think about my own mother's journey with cancer. From her diagnosis she lived just over a year. I shared earlier about how she shared Jesus along her pathway, reaching those she never would have had she not had cancer. I think about Kacie's mom and the platform she has for other families ...not just families that are experiencing cancer but also families who just happen to read their story. I think about all the good that Tim Tebow has accomplished for families.
Cancer stinks ... and it is unfair ... pure and simple. One may think "cancer wins" when the patient doesn't recover but guess what, God is still on the throne. It is difficult in your grief, sometimes, to believe that. However, we have the power to take the "Yucky" of cancer and yet give glory to God. Take something evil and make something good come out of it.
I've seen parents, using their child's death as a platform to help other families and give comfort to hurting families. They find in their giving ... they are healing. My son who walked seventeen miles in the Relay for Life in honor of his grandmother found healing because he was "doing" something. Giving back can bring hope and healing and in that way, cancer doesn't win!
Until next time ... it's okay to grieve ... then try to find a way to reach out and be a beacon of hope for someone else.
It's a love story like you wouldn't believe. There I was, waiting for God to send His best and there he was... right in front of me the entire time.
Love is Patient .... oh he's so very patient
Love is Kind ... I've never heard of anyone so kind as he ... even to those who aren't so nice
Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude...he's never boastful, proud or rude .. sometimes jealous but in the most righteous way
It does not demand its own way...he lets me decide on my own ... he doesn't demand but I realized his way is the only way
It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged...I've done a lot of wrong and I am so glad that he doesn't keep track of all that
It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out...oh goodness, he has this entire team that rejoices with him.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance...he probably gets a little frustrated with me at times but he's my biggest cheerleader. He never gives up on me.
He relentlessly pursued me. If I took one step towards him, he took five yards towards me. He wants to be with me all the time (not in the suffocating, controlling way ... but one who just loves being with me). He sits on the edge of his chair listening intently to every syllable that passes my lips and he's really interested in what I have to say. He is so strong and courageous. I am so undeserving of that kind of attention and love but he says I am worth it.
Did I happen to mention that he is RICH!?!?! He not only owns the cattle on a thousand hills ... but he actually ... are you ready for this .... he created the entire universe and everything in it!!!! He created everything that you hear, see, touch, feel and taste ... the air that you breathe ... he made you and me ... and HE not only knows my name but he also wants to know me intimately!
WOW!!!! He holds me at night when I feel alone ... He catches every single tear that falls from my eyes (and he stores them) ... He has the power to stitch up a heart that's been broken and if all that isn't enough ... hold on, because you haven't heard the best and worse part yet! HE DIED FOR ME! I say the worse part because it breaks my heart to think that my sins nailed him to the cross ... but it's the best part because it was his love for me that kept him hanging there ... and his love for me that had him rise again and his love for me that has him building a new beautiful home for me and it's his love for me to have him want to spend ETERNITY with ME!!!!!
I know it's pretty mind blowing ... but oh the joy to be loved so purely ... so intimately ... so unconditionally. He didn't wait for me to be perfect to love me (haha, I know he's patient but that will never happen) ... he met me right where I was and offered his love to me!
He Ran To ME!
His Love is Relentless
Until next time .... know you are so loved ... in the most incredible way <3
Today is Mother's Day! It's a day marked specifically to honor Mom's everywhere. To some, this means sadness and heartache as they see that stroller passing by and they ache to hold their own child in their arms but they were unable to conceive. To some, they have lost a child and discredit their role as a mother, no matter how many times they are told that they are still a mother. Still others, may have lost their mother and this day pronounces their loss. Then there are those who still have their mother's to call or send flowers to ... and children to hug and love on.
I remember the sadness I felt as I so desperately wanted to have a child. For seven years I begged my husband to have a child. He finally demanded that I don't put him in the position of having to tell me "no" again. It got to the point where his family told me to 'trick' him because once the baby was here he wouldn't mind. Well, there was no way I was going to do that. He trusted me and (I thought) our marriage was built on mutual trust. Eventually he said we could try to have a child.
When I took that first pregnancy test that showed I was finally pregnant I suddenly had a flood of emotions ... I was so excited ... and so scared...then so excited, again! We happily told our families and I lay in bed dreaming of the child I would soon hold ... then I lost her. One moment I was pregnant and dreaming ... the next moment I was living a nightmare.
I got pregnant again pretty quickly. It was a little harder to dream this time. I remember it clearly ... we were at church (it is now New Day, where we worship once again) and I finally had that thought of "I am finally feeling great" ... no more morning sickness ... it was a great feeling. At that very moment I began hemorrhaging. Someone found my husband, Sharon Marlowe gathered around us and prayed and we went home where I called the doctor. A very short time later we realized that we needed to head to the hospital. My sister in law had come to the house and with the sight she saw, she was convinced we had lost this baby, too. All the way to the hospital I said, "If we lose this baby I never want to get pregnant again!" Thankfully, all was well and Meghan Daniele was born five months later. Seventeen months later, her brother, Ethan Craig, arrived. You already heard the story of their little sister's birth ... 21 months later when Katelyn's Rose was born. I am a MOM!!!! These three fulfilled that dream that I had for such a long time. I am so thankful!
My mom is spending another Mother's Day with Jesus. Seriously, what better place to be. That knowledge, however, doesn't make me miss her any less. She was such a remarkable mother and I am honored to be her daughter. Her legacy lives on. It makes me sad that my kids have missed out on so much with her and she won't have the privilege of watching them grow but I know she's here. I prayed with her before she passed away and I asked God to allow her little glimpses. This morning I already asked Jesus to give her an extra big hug from me.
I have friends in the other situations I mentioned above. I pray that they will experience peace and comfort. For those unable to conceive or birth a child, hold onto your dreams. He knows the desires of your heart and sometimes He seems slow to answer but He's never early ... never late. To the friend who lost a child, I know it is heartbreaking but please know that you are every bit a mother as those who still have their children with them. Please accept this extra special hug. To all mothers, present and future, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! <3
Because You Loved Me
One Heartbeat at a Time
Until next time ... Count your blessings and keep on dreaming
Sooo, I joined the gym! Knowing how easily I can talk myself out of things I also invited some friends to join me. I figured it would be a lot easier to make it through than going by myself and feeling like I didn't have a clue what I was doing. At least there would be several of us who didn't have a clue.
My friend, Cindy and I had so much fun shopping for our gym clothes and getting everything prepared. We went last week to tour the gym and got really excited. I began to wonder if we had more fun anticipating going than the actual act but we chose today as our start date!
We met early so we could stop by the mall to use our gift cards to find something to wear to church tomorrow for Mother's Day. Oh dear, as I was in the fitting room, realizing that every body was not made to wear that type of skirt (it truly was horrifying) I received a text from someone I had invited to join the gym (they have a great referral program and I am almost up receiving my year free ~ yes, before I had actually even gone myself). He said he would wait and see if I was still going to the gym in two weeks. Ummm, yeah ... after catching sight of myself in the skirt that was so beautiful when I held it up and noticing that it really lost the impact once on me I was sure that would be enough motivation for me to keep going.
Remembering my son's words as I headed out the door to "not embarrass Ms. Cindy at the gym" we excitedly (and me, a bit nervously) heading to the gym. Thankfully there were not many people there so we got to try out the different machines. We quickly figured out which we enjoyed most and we put in a pretty good attempt for our first time ... reminding each other to not over do it.
We have our plan of action in place for our next visit (hopefully tomorrow). I pointed out that we were the only ones at the gym who were giggling and we watched in awe at the couple people who were working on the machines the way they were meant to used, but we will get there.
Ecclesiastes 4:10 "Two are better than one ... if one falls down, his friend can help him up." Whether it's going to the gym or just walking along our pathway, the encouragement of a friend uplifts the soul.
Get Back Up It's never too late!
Eye of the Tiger
Until next time ... take the first step
Sometimes the most unexpected friendships are the most incredible. About 3 1/2 years ago I became friends with a man who has inspired me ... challenged me ... and most definitely and without hesitation, prayed for me. Here's one of my favorite pictures of him:
It's comforting to know that God blessed our friendship ... allowed our paths to intertwine in ways that was without question from Him. Although, thankful ... so very thankful for our friendship, there were times we questioned why God had our paths to cross. We knew that we would only be friends but we've discovered it's a rare and rewarding friendship.
It's kind of nice to get a 'guys' perspective sometimes and in Mark I could get that, knowing that there was never any ulterior motive. He encourages me in my walk with Christ and He makes sure I know my worth and to not let anyone treat me less than I deserve.
We rejoice when God has allowed us to be in different relationships, stepping back from our friendship during that time, as a Christian man or woman should. It's possible that there will be a time when our friendship will need to fade away from the depths that we had experienced but I, for one, will be forever thankful for the lessons learned.
He told me the other day that he was glad I finally realizing my worth. When I saw this video tonight it made me think of him:
Who I am
Until next time ... hold friendships close to your heart
When I consider the people God has brought into my life and the role they play, there is no denying that God had a special purpose and plan. Sometimes they are there for a season or two ... sometimes we are blessed to have them stay! <3
There are so many amazing, powerful and inspiring women in my life. I have an entire team of ladies who love, support and encourage me every day. I have people praying for me and with me and I know how very blessed I am. There are two lovely ladies, however, that I would like to highlight.
First of all, I would love for you to meet Linda! She's my bff ... my Proverbs 27:17 friend.
We met ten years ago and we quickly became close friends. God called them to minister in another state and saying 'goodbye' was very difficult. However, it didn't take long to realize that we didn't have to see each other every day ... we didn't have to talk every day ... and the connection is there, regardless. We never hesitate to call out a quick, "Pray!" or "You busy? I need to talk". We are able to run ideas, problems by each other and we just kind of work it out in our minds together. When I go to her, I know that I will not get HER opinion. She seeks God in every situation and it makes no difference if it's a decision of her own or me asking for advice, she will seek God first.
She's steadfast in her faith and she doesn't waver. She's so good at helping me when I over think things. If I tell her one thing and we agree that God is leading one way ... and then my thoughts get cluttered and I come back with a conflicting response she firmly stands on what we believe God told us in the first place. I love having her on my team because we help each other recognize when it's the Enemy trying to get to us and together together we smack old 'poopy head' down.
Next I'd like you to meet Cindy!
When I think about the phrase, "the praying wife", Cindy is who I immediately picture. She has faithfully prayed for years .. for everyone she loves. She prays without ceasing and rejoices at every baby step. I know that there must be times when she is tired or gets frustrated but I have never seen her even hint at giving up. I am so proud of her. We love worshiping together ... praying for and with each other ... but I think another reason that God so lovingly placed her in my life is because He knew that I would lose my sweet mother to a horrible disease. Cindy was in place during that time and we continued to get close. God gave her so many of my mom's mannerisms. He knew, being away from my family, I would need someone close by that could be His arms.
One day I was getting ready for a big date .. one of those all day, took months to plan events. Cindy knew how I would be feeling as I anticipated that day and she sent me a message, using words exactly as my mother would, reminding me to not lot anyone or anything spoil my day.
She encourages me and prays for me... and tomorrow we start a new venture together ... we're going to the gym! I am thankful for the role model and friend that she is!
God sure knew what He was doing when He placed these ladies in my life.
Until next time ... treasure those Godly women in your life!
One day I decided to go to the park. I had this overwhelming need to 'escape' so I donned my walking shoes and off I went. I walked at such a rapid speed as one does when they are on a mission to escape (from themselves, their thoughts) so I was a little disappointed when I saw my time and realized that apparently it doesn't matter how quickly I think I am going it still takes about the same time.
As I walked, I prayed, as I usually do but this time it was with desperation as I cried out for some answers. The beauty of my park does something to the soul. It calms ... it heals ... it is a plethora of lessons to be learned.
Suddenly I came to "it" ... the fork in the road. I was in a relationship before where we talked about the pathway/our pathway a lot as we considered where we were on the pathway. Sometimes you get really excited, thinking you're nearly at the spot where you can enjoy all that God has to offer ... only as you get closer, you realize it was just a bend in the road. Sometimes we felt like we came to a storm over a section of the pathway but we knew that if we kept walking the sun would soon light up the path again. Other times we had to walk through sections of the pathway alone, with God ... where there once were three, there were now only two.
Many conversations and many lessons were learned on our pathway so as I stood at the fork in the road, knowing that I had always gone to the left, where most people went, I decided that today I would take the road less traveled. Now usually when you think about a fork in the road, the pathways lead in two very opposite directions. That was not the case here.
This is how my pathway normally looks
This is how it seemed in my mind
The road less traveled took longer than my original path. It was rough, it was treacherous and I spent most of it wrapped in cobwebs and as I was praying about the pathway of life I also found myself praying that there wasn't a huge old spider in my hair. As I neared the end, I realized that both pathways merged and I found myself in the same spot I would have been in had I taken the pathway already cleared.
Sometimes we think the road most traveled is the best way to go ... but that one isn't without it's problems. There are people (which can be good or bad on certain days), the horses travel that path so you need to watch where you step and sometimes there are bumps or pits along the way.
Many times we want to find the easy way ... we want that relationship ... we want that promotion ... we want that scholarship ... but sometimes the lessons are learned as we trip over roots and stumble down a pathway that many haven't traveled and trampled smooth yet. As I walked I thought about the many stories in the Bible where they had to wait a long time for the desires of their heart. When they got impatient and acted on their own they were filled with heartache. I decided that all I needed to do was be obedient. I don't have to have it all figured out. God knows me better than I know myself. He knows my needs ... He knows my desires and he cares about it all. He may ask me to wait and be still ... or he may send me on a different pathway entirely. All I know is that I can fully trust the story He's writing.
I tried out several "forks" that day ... some by choice ... some, well, because I turned the wrong way and logged many miles that day but as I made my way back to the picnic area and rested in the delightfully cool breeze I was thankful. The cobwebs in my mind were cleared, although I was still pulling them off my body but I realized that as much as I don't enjoy lessons in patience ... I am so glad He's patient with me. I know He must look at me and just smile and shake his head many times at the situations I find myself in but He loves me anyway!
You Love Me Anyway
The Road Less Traveled
Until next time ... Don't fear the road less traveled ... there's lessons to be learned!
I recommend it! Enough said.
One day a friend sent me Proverbs 17:27, which says "A truly wise person uses few words". I think he must have thought I use a lot of words to say something that only required a few so I thought I would test out that theory. Someone made a comment so I replied with one or two words and they needed me to explain it so I decided it's okay to use words. :)
Along our pathway a tragic crime was committed in our family. My immediate thought was that I needed to get my children into counseling so when they are older it wouldn't be a problem. A counselor was assigned to us so we went. She claimed to be a Christian although "her job dictated that she couldn't, in reality, promote Christianity". My daughter loved her (as much as she would love any counseling) because she had access to her 24/7 ... not always a good thing. Several incidences occurred to cause me to know we needed a change. My search lead us to several different counselors ... not an easy task when my children balked at the idea of having to go any place to talk.
Our youth leader had mentioned that the counseling pastor at our church had offered to meet with me if I chose to. What!?!?! I needed help for my children. I was fine and would deal with things on my own. My main focus was on my kids because I had seen first hand what happens to adults when things aren't dealt with when they are younger.
Well, can you believe that handling things on my own found me in a bigger mess than I had started with? Pretty unbelieveable, right? I finally had no where to turn so I called and made the appointment. I had no idea what to say so as I waited in the lobby I texted my sister that same question "What do I even say?" My sister is so smart. Her reply, "Ummm, say hello." So I went with that.
I walked in, scared and vulnerable. He was so easy to talk to. Throughout my time of healing and working things out I know I must have used boxes of tissues. Don't be fooled, it was extremely hard...probably one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do ... but things that are the most difficult are usually those things that are so worth it. In this case, I have worked through it all and come out on the brighter side.
I still go in and see him although not as often as I did but this is the 'fun' time. One of my friends described her experience as "going to talk to one of my girlfriends". Lol, I think he's okay with that description. He never tells me what to do ... but together we discuss it and we always try to determine what God desires.
As I was leaving yesterday my daughter said, "Why do you even still go? It's been five years!" I hope one day she will understand that I enjoy going. There will be a time when I don't go ... I know he's busy and there are others who are in the place I once was and need it more than I do. For now, it still brings me renewed hope and clarity as I travel this pathway that is far brighter than it had been. I am so thankful for this opportunity and the "new and improved me". Could have God used another way to bring my healing? Perhaps...but I am glad this is where He lead me and that I didn't let fear continue to stop me from seeking help. It is unimaginable to me to think about if I had stayed the course I was on, trying to deal with things on my own, that I would be stuck in that pit when I could be enjoying a victorious life!
Beautiful Things
Until next time ... don't let fear stop you from getting help ... it can be life changing!
My middle child is my son, Ethan...the only male in a family of all girls. Haha, all of our pets have also been female. He jokingly told his sister the other day that he, too, was going to start a blog entitled, "The Only Male in the House". I encouraged him to do so but, of course, he was only joking. I think it would be a great insight for himself as well as everyone who read it.
Being the only male in a house could be a challenge ... especially without some other male that he felt comfortable talking to about guy things. I kind of think men have some knowledge inbred into them because he's knows these things that i have never taught him ... how did he know how that gadget works ... to know what kind of saw to use for that project ... how to create and repair things ...how does he know how to work that crazy remote ... I think he just knows. I'm thankful for that and I appreciate the time he takes to help me out.
He has such a sweet spirit about him. I think he tries everything he can to be different from the negative role models he has had in his life. He made sure, even at a young age, and even today, to be respectful of women. When he was younger he made it a point to make sure he opened my door for me, making sure I was safely in the car ... as he grew, he made sure my feet were in the car before closing the door. He always aimed to please and would do anything to make me smile.
He was generally pretty quiet anyway ... lol, how could he not, in a family of girls. I am just kidding but sometimes it is just easier to be quiet and take it all in. In middle school he had a lot to deal with. I was a little concerned when he grew his hair "long" and constantly wore a jacket, despite the temperatures. It almost seemed like he was attempting to hide.
I am so proud of the man he's becoming. As he began high school this huge transformation came over him. He got his hair cut and he gained confidence. When he was a younger we were challenged to all look up the meaning of our names. He discovered that his name means "firm, strong rock!" When that little boy stood up straight and tall, fist pounding on his chest with each word as he declared that he was a "firm, strong rock" I knew clearly that his name was chosen specifically by more than myself before I even realized it. There was no other name to consider ... it's the name we chose before we were even married and agreed on...his name chosen 9 years before he was born. I believe God chose that name for him because He knew that when we had a hiccup in our pathway, he would be able to draw strength from it.
He has had some great goals for many years and they all include helping those less fortunate than ourselves. I am blessed to see my son grow in wisdom and strength and I have prayed that nothing would happen in his life that would cause him to lose his sweet, loving spirit. I have seen him go through so many challenges and I see him only getting stronger ... to take each challenge as a stepping stone toward the great things God has planned for him. He has a good heart ... a heart that causes him to protect ... whether it is protecting his sisters or myself ... or helping organizations that stop human trafficking or even walking 17 miles at the Relay for Life in honor of his grandmother ... he is a man on a mission and with God's help he is unstoppable.
He may pick on his sisters but if anyone messes with them he will protect without question.
Unlike the girls, there are not many pictures of him by himself :)
Courageous
Joshua 1:9 "Remember, I commanded you to be strong and brave. Don’t be afraid, because the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Until next time ... Be courageous!
I never thought I would be single. Being raised in a Christian home I knew that when I married, divorce would not be an option. I know that it wasn't God's desire that things ended up the way it did, but alas, there is sin and free will in this world.
What I can say, however, is that even in divorce, God had His hand in it, blessing me and protecting me. I have talked to many divorced friends and I realize how blessed I am by my circumstances and I continue to praise Him.
I have full rights and custody of my children. They do not have to go back and forth between two homes. They are blessed to have me all the time (lol, I have to remind them of that sometimes). I don't have to go to court or ask anyone for special permission if I want to send them to church camp or on a mission trip. I am free to make the best decisions for them without having to fight anyone who may have a differing opinion.
Due to our situation there is no child support. I do not have to fight for it. No going back to court and no feeling frustrated when it's late or it doesn't come. I don't have to see him spending money on toys and trips and then saying there's no money for child support. Sometimes it's kind of a struggle having to depend on my only source of income but God always provides (sometimes in some pretty creative and amazing ways). That also allows me to feel extra loved and special to Him.
I know and appreciate the blessing it is to not have to deal with the stresses that come with a typical divorce. There are a few struggles that I have encountered, like having that one person to bounce ideas off of ... to dream and make plans with. I have learned that even in that, God has provided people who love me and don't seem to mind hearing my thoughts and letting me just talk ... sometimes in talking, it helps me to figure things out.
Most of the time, however, I am just fine...living my life full of joy and sunshine. I have learned to try to just let things roll off of me and not let the stress get to me. The kids argue and fight...my son has asked me how I can just be so calm and not let it bother me. I have tried to teach him that it's so much more joyful to choose your battles and not let every single little thing bother you.
There was one recent event that seemed to pronounce my singleness, however. Those are the moments that make me sad. Those moments where you just can't be in two places at once and you can't just send the other parent. My son had a major event last week at the high school. I was able to go for the first time last year and I never realized what a big deal it was. Due to circumstances at work I could not attend. It made me feel really sad that there was no one to represent him or to say, "Hey, I'm here for you." He has such a sweet spirit and he understood and, honestly, he was likely more okay with it than I was.
This Friday there is a similar situation. My oldest daughter is receiving a scholarship and they have a luncheon for her. Again I am unable to go. This time God provided someone to go in my place. I am immensely grateful that she won't be alone and someone can physically be there to rejoice with her in her achievements and as she's being honored. I need to work on my feelings of "but I'm your mom! I should be the one to be with you!"
Sometimes life is unfair ... divorce ... abuse ... cancer. We may not have any control over those things but we do have a choice. We can either choose to be depressed and look at all the negative things in our life and be held a prisoner to those things. Or, we can choose to do whatever we can to find the "happy" in each day. We have no control over how someone reacts. You only have control over YOU. I made a private "Happy Board" on pinterest. I haven't been the best at keeping up with it lately but I had made it a point to post something I was happy about each day. It achieved two things ... it made me look for something each day. Most days were easy but there were a few where I had to really look for something to post. It also was a place, on the not so good days, where I could go back to and see the little gifts God gave me. Kind of nice to have it documented in one place.
Yesterday was one of those days that was like one huge gift! From the beginning ... until the end of a very long, busy day until I fell, exhausted but happy into bed, it was a day full of blessings.
As I opened the door to leave the house, I discovered that my deer was back, eating outside my bedroom window. Deer are really special to me so that was pretty cool first thing in the morning.
Then I got to work and it is Teacher Appreciation Week! We have wonderful parents at our school. They set up an entire week of surprises for us. Yesterday we all got a big sign to put by our door.
Here is my sign
They also brought in a delicious breakfast of muffins, yogurt and fruit
Then the children began arriving with flowers and treats!
After work we had to head over to Meghan's Scholarship Awards Night. What a blessing for her to receive a scholarship.
Meghan and her best friend, Becky
Becky was there alone so it was a joy to be that person that was also there for her. Love my girls and am so proud of their accomplishments and I know that God will do amazing things in both of their lives.
Following the awards, as tired as I was, we were also hungry so we had fun going to dinner ... just the two of us. We had a silly time! Meg now has a few videos to take to college with her so when she misses our silly times she can go back and visit those memories. Her friend called me a 'groovy lady' (haha, Meg said that was a compliment). I had several friends rejoice with us and share in her accomplishments and then I ended the evening with a few texts from friends who just made me smile and I watched the cat enjoy some crazy antics as I collapsed into bed.
I certainly do NOT have it all together. Half the time I feel like I am failing but I try to choose joy and those moments I can't seem to muster joy I try to praise. I sometimes allow myself to have a few moments of a pity party but really it's not a fun place to be. Why be burdened down in a storm when you can dance in the rain!
Lead Me (This was my prayer song .. that God would help me to lead my children)
Shoulders (My comfort song)
Until next time ... find the "happy" in your day
