Today is the last day of 2015. I guess like most people it's a time of reflection over the past year and thoughts of hopes and dreams for the upcoming year. I immediately thought of the big events over the past couple months and as I ventured further back I realized that we actually had a lot of changes this year. Through it all I see growth ... amazing growth ... in so many areas of our lives.
Meghan graduated from high school. She went to college and learned to live with people she hadn't known prior to leaving home. She struggled to make adult decisions and face the consequences (good and bad) of those decisions. She took on so many responsibilities that she didn't have to before. She is still learning, still growing and I enjoy our time together when she is home. I had to learn to let go a little and, after offering my thoughts, sit back and watch her make her decisions. Pray ... and trust God.
Ethan had surgery. We knew that once he was completely healed the surgery would be life changing. In actuality, the change is in the process; the journey. We all lived through his last surgery and I most definitely was not looking forward to the healing part. Had I known all we would endure I would have freaked. We had heard ahead of time what complications could happen and we were aware that he was an extreme case and he would be more apt to encounter those. We prayed ... we called on our prayer warriors ... and ... he still got the complications. Although we are sorry he had to endure such pain and treatment, the journey was incredible. I never knew one could be so physically exhausted but the people we encountered on this journey and the way God provided and sent encouragement exactly when needed was amazing. Thankfully Ethan is home ... we are able to look back and see all that we had gone through ... and we survived. God equipped us and strengthened us for each task as it happened. He has an incredible testimony. There's still things he will be required to face and he is not liking that at all but I am amazed at his spirit and how he actually seemed to handle this better (in ways) than his prior surgery although this was so much more invasive. As a mother I had to watch him endure when I was helpless to make him more comfortable. I had to make him do things that he didn't like to do. Through it all, in the comfort of the hospital chapel I learned, even more, to pray ... and trust God.
Kate had to learn how to deal with all these changes in our family. Where did she fit in and how was she suppose to feel when Meghan was away and Mom was at the hospital with Ethan? Scared for her brother ... missing us. My baby girl showed so much maturity. During the visits she learned to serve her brother and help him get sips of Gatorade. They formed a bond as she helped him do the simplest tasks. She is currently excitedly anticipating a huge mission that God has been equipping her for since she was a young child. She is raising money to go to Guatemala on her first mission trip. She was overjoyed as she saw yet another step fall into place. I hadn't even known she was apprehensive, thinking she might not be able to go. That part fell into place which much relief on her end. At the thought of sending my baby to another country and not be with her has allowed me to learn, still more, to pray ... and trust God.
As I look over 2015 I see growth. I see the ability to let go of things that God needed me to ... to pray more intentionally ... to trust Him with every single part of my life and be confident that He knows me, He knows my needs and He will always provide. He loves me and cares about the smallest of concerns. I have joy and peace. There were a lot of changes in 2015 but that's not all bad. God has surrounded us with amazing people, He's provided in so many ways. Had we not been on this journey there are so many people we would have never met. We are blessed. So, not only has this been a year of change ... it's been a year of growth and I feel more at peace and content because of these things.
I am looking forward to this new year. Entering 2016 confident that God is the same yesterday, today and forever. He will continue to equip us for each new thing He asks of us and I am very much looking forward to the incredible plan He has for our lives!
Until next time ... however you remember 2015, be hopeful and confident of Christ's love for 2016!
I love my special moments with God. I talk to Him all throughout the day, every day and trust me, He knows exactly what I am thinking ... because, well, even though He knows my thoughts, I make sure I tell Him. Honest, open book ... that's how I typically am.
I've been feeling a little melancholy lately and as I reflect on some of my most favorite memories, I am met with tears and smiles and sometimes the thoughts are so overwhelming that I just need to escape. I want to run to my safe zone ... my quiet place where I can feel free to yell, to cry, to pour out my heart. Haha, as you probably guessed, the only downfall to trying to escape ... is that I bring myself with me ... with my thoughts ... and all those things I need to escape.
Today my plan to escape wasn't as overwhelming of a need as in the past but I knew that going to my favorite place would be refreshing and help to clear my head so there I went ... to my place of solitude ... the place that sparked this blog in the first place...my park.
As I began my journey I encountered three rather large men ... big burly guys and I knew that walking alone through the trails wasn't perhaps a bright idea and I quickly determined that I would easily be overpowered despite the self defense classes I have taken in the past. My mind quickly began to form a plan, on the off chance that they may try to attack...okay, I wasn't even sure I liked the idea of them speaking to me. I busied myself making a plan and without putting any of it into action I decided I would trust God and realized that despite the positives of forming a plan, Satan was using fear to make me lose focus of why I needed to be there in the first place...to refocus my thoughts and try to see what God wanted me to see.
I began to look around and enjoy the beauty of my surroundings ... my heart was filled with thanksgiving to see that someone had mowed my pathway ... I saw butterflies ... and throughout my walk I continually heard "Do not let your heart be troubled" ... I very quickly admitted that my heart was indeed troubled and "God, there's so much I don't understand ... " then I heard "Do not lean on your own understanding". Over and over these two verses penetrated my mind with every step. I reached my destination where I had cried so many tears ... and shared so many smiles ... and dreams. It was there, today, that I again called out to the Lord, shared my troubled heart with Him and heard Him speak the words I needed to hear as new clear realizations came to my mind.
I rejoice at my time spent with Him ... so grateful for a fresh new outlook ... and knowing that He can be trusted with every part of me ... including my heart. I wiped my tears and began back down my favorite pathway with a smile on my face. As I got closer to the opening where the men had been I began practicing my words (much like Miss Clara from War Room) should they encounter me. Haha, thankfully all but one were gone and I continued my way to my car.
Until next time ... don't try to figure it all out yourself ... be open and real with God. He knows it all anyway! :) ...He can be trusted and there's nothing you can say that will shock Him.
As our journey continues, I am simply amazed. God has continually, without fail, given me "just enough" for the next task and I have found that I have been able to do things that could only be done with the Lord strengthening me (just as He promised).
Another promise that holds true is this:
The week after my son was discharged from a lengthy hospital stay I had a huge "fight" on my hands trying to receive his much needed pain meds. It was a needless and senseless battle as he should never have been discharged without it. Anyway, many times we face things so that God can be glorified. I finally decided to try his pediatrician, hoping for just one refill on his prescription. Yes, I sometimes think too small when we have such a great God. We ended up receiving more than we could ask, think or imagine...and I immediately thought of the above verse.
Yesterday my dad went into the hospital in the early morning to receive his new heart valve. I prayed ... I asked many of my friends to pray ... Dad did very well and the doctor said he couldn't have asked for a better surgery. Ah, but wait! That morning, a "new and improved" heart valve arrived at the hospital and my dad was the first person at that hospital to ever receive one. Isn't that just like God ... to provide more than we could ask, think or imagine!?!
Over the past few months God has been working on me in ways that I hadn't expected. As I receive His gifts and spot little glimpses of how He is working, I know when all is said and done I will again stand in awe and I see He went above and beyond my wildest dreams as I receive something more than I have been asking, thinking and imagining. That, my friends, is pretty exciting!
Until next time ... you may be thinking small, but we serve a bigger God and He has so many great plans and amazing blessings He wants to pour on us!
